Sunday, 21 September 2008

Marry Whom?

The previous post was actually a bonus this week as the exams got over.
In today's post I of course am not continuing the previous one. But I promise I would do it someday.
This post can,t be called funny. Its actually something about which I don't know where to post so am posting it here.

This post is based on my personal opinion about marriage and how it changed as my age advanced.

When I was in fifth standard I thought like an ordinary Indian girl thinks. I felt and also said it openly I am not going to go anywhere leaving my house.

Then later on that means when I got into std eighth I felt I would be married off like any other ordinary girl then i started speaking that "ye I know marriage is necessary and everybody gets married".

Then it all changed in a year that means when I was in the ninth. I firmly believed that marriage cannot be avoided.

Then when I reached my tenth I started talking of things like my husband would live at my house and so on.

Then comes the state which I have reached now. I personally am a person who believes in complete equality. As for that I feel that when I don't use my dad's name(as surname) in any of my official documents then how would I be able to use my husband's.

Then the head of the family concept I don't believe in that and we don't follow it at our house. Then would I be able to accept it at his house?

Then again I am a totally different creature on Earth I cannot be compared with any of the beings here I have different aspirations different expectations that I feel i can never fall in love with somebody all I can have is a mere crush.

And for all of ur kind information I am not going to become a nun.

So here ends this post but I would want ur agreements and criticisms on this post.
After all I need to know things from different points of views na.

At the end of the day I don't know whether I will ever marry or not or fall in love or not bcoz my expectations are not just a caring, loving & understanding husband but are much above that.

I am in a big quest here... u all oldies help me out plz...

ps:)replies to comments for previous post will be given soon dear pals.


Pooja said...


now, i thnk marraige s not dat imp..a gr8 many ppl will disagree...

but marryin' s not everythng a woman does in her lyf,is it???

n abt Mr.Right...keep ur xpectations high...but it so happens wen u fall in love, evn if d man s completely opposite of wot had dreamt of, u ll love him 4 everythng he is... ;)

n yes, i believe "Compactibility not compromise s really imp 4 a relationshp"...


ANWESA said...

well,its a personal decision 2 marry or not to marry.if u can find care n affection of a lyftym,der is no need to marry.lyk-
adopt a girl child from orphanage n live with her smiles.if u feel dat u'r not meant to marry,don't do so under pressure.

phoenix said...

you know the way your ideas of marraige evolved,is what happens to most i guess.i too remember me thinking the same.but i wanted to be a nun after a failed relationship and trust me i would have converted if given a chance....then love happened..

and now?

mrraige is like khaye woh pachtaye jo na khaye lalchaye

if u have eaten u regret n if u havent u r tempted. i know i wanna seems so rosy but when my practicality comes back i know im not ready.. :)

what do u think?

phoenix said...

you know the way your ideas of marraige evolved,is what happens to most i guess.i too remember me thinking the same.but i wanted to be a nun after a failed relationship and trust me i would have converted if given a chance....then love happened..

and now?

mrraige is like khaye woh pachtaye jo na khaye lalchaye

if u have eaten u regret n if u havent u r tempted. i know i wanna seems so rosy but when my practicality comes back i know im not ready.. :)

what do u think?

vishesh said...

I am a oldie? :P

"At the end of the day I don't know whether I will ever marry or not or fall in love or not bcoz my expectations are not just a caring, loving & understanding husband but are much above that."

ha well even we guys face it :P If i will fall in love with someone soon :P

Aneesh said...

So, you woke up really early?
May be your mother's water treatment is taking its effect :)

MMmm, like you said, I too had different opinions about marriage at different point of my life and I am yet to get married, so, I don't have personal experience in this thing.
But, things are changing pretty quickly, staying at husband's home is not a necessity anymore. Now a days, people don't stay even in their own parent's home, they'll buy a house/flat for themselves and start their own life. it's all about the couples' likes and dislikes. You need to talk to partner about all things and so do he and reach an opinion. it's not a see-today-marry-tomorrow marriage anymore, you get to know more about you partner.
BTW, marriage is starting a new life with another person. So, we need to adjust according to that. it's not I-do-what-I-want,you-do-what-you-want.
And, this love thing? you are still young, so you cannot be sure all you'll have is a crush. 'coz what you had is a crush age LOL.
Life is full of surprises, I've seen my own pals who said just like you, falling in love, just like that LOL.
After all, if you meet a guy, just as in your dreams (if you have dreams) won't you go ahead?
Finally, expecting too much is not good. Everyone is human, so there is no perfect man/woman, if you look for bad things you'll find it. "do unto others as you expect others do unto you" - that's it and hope for the best
'N I wish you to get a nice guy just as you expect!

Chriz said...

first oldie here... hehe

life is an experiment...
we are reactants... we got to mix up and come up with various reactions and very rarely we get the desired product ...

The unwanted reactions help us to be stronger...

So it is always better to choose the right catalyst...
bUt how doe we know whether we have chosen the right catalyst or not... It is the secret of living!!!

You can sum it all up in three words,...."Life goes on..." be it positive or negative, we just gotta move on not cribbing abt what went wrong or whats gonna happen in future...

I know that i havent answered your question to the point.. but i just made anoutline on life... thats the answer...

descrying the shadows said...

the reason for the sur name changing was to symbolise the act of a new family a new circle being created .. you see when we are born our parents are the center of a circle and we lie at its circumference .. but as we grow we start making our own circle and slowly our parents land up on the circumference of our circle ... wen u marry two centers now become one ... thts why ..
as far as taking husbands family name or wife's or a totally different one goes ... i wud quote shakespeare "whats there in a name "

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Sweetie,what you are going through is a transition from girl to woman.And trust me,after five years your perception about marriage will be totally something else :)

Just go with the flow for now,and marriage anyways ain't in the near future for you na.Focus on studies and of course,your crushes :P


mayz said...

marriage has always been a kinda enigma for me do or not do...wats d purpose...frankly sometimes i think its jus a leagal stamp for havin s**...n then sometimes i feel it has a divine hand behind it (**marriages r made in heaven**)...its a stamp yes...but a stamp of love...a stamp of good or bad...thru smiles n tears...d red of d bridein d east...depictin d colour of d heart...or d white in d west...depictin purity...perfection!!!

i think i have managed to confuse myself even more

Prashant Sree said...

Hmmm.,. Now itself started thinking about your future would-be. ;) Great start !!

Yup, things arent same anymore. The girls have started demanding more roles to play and sometimes want to play the lead role too.,. Also, gone are the days when Girls married the guy( and vice-versa too) who their parents selected. From my point, i can only suggest that, Understanding and Love for each other is the main criteria for marrying someone.,. A lot of factors determine that, yet due to lack of experience, i would like to wait and see what other experienced people say..
P.S: You called the experienced people "Oldies",. That could hurt them a lot ;)

joiedevivre said...

yeah i use to think lik dis in my school days

but d school of marrige is very different frm wat we imagine
it can be funn or disaeter
alll depends on u n ur partner..hw well ur frequencies match..

getting married is a risk..yeah i said risk
both luv or arranged..
u never kno hw things is cumpletly different after marrige..

i dnt kno weather dis ans ur quest or not

but yeah m also in dilemma of dis issue.

Solitaire said...

The concept of marriage kept changing for me year after year and still does. So oldie or not, I guess I am as confused as you are!

Hemanth Potluri said...

marriage is a state wer people become more responsible..they start living not only for their case but also for the sake of the partner also...marriage makes people diffrent from wat they have been till now...and guess wat they start caring more for family..but its a total individual decision to marry or not...for me its not clear..


Trinaa said...

another rebel!!yeaa..join d gang! :D

Priya Joyce said...

@ pooja:

ya I too think so but wen I see spinsters and bachelors not very happy and negative in their behavior then I feel is marriage such a necessity.
hey all the more confused I feel.
coz in marriage I need to fight for my identity and out of marriage I need to live alone. tats the probs.

Priya Joyce said...

@ anwesa:

ye ye its a personal decision and I know I will never be forced into it but as I am not a person who advocates women domination so I need to decide whether to marry or not.

ya hav such a desire like sush yupp
but I don't wanna be alone all by myself i need sumone for me and for tat case if I need to lose my identity my astitva then tats not worth it.


Priya Joyce said...

@ raka:

Sach mein damn with tat ladoo ha ha lol

i'm not able to decide whether to liv a life where i hav someone wth me always but I need to become mrs sumone for tat my identity is lost.
or to liv as a human who has her identity but not anyone to care for her.
can't sacrifice both na.

Priya Joyce said...

@ vishesh:

u r ma age and u kall urself an oldie wow! gr8! lol

and btw I don't think u hav t o face tat identity probs coz u men don't hav to add our names behind urs.


Priya Joyce said...

@ all:

i'll cum bakk soon and reply to the rest of the comments.
plz xcuse me

Keshi said...

Goshhh u sound so like me :)

I dunno wut it is, but Marriage dun appeal to me much...and being in love seems so fake to me.

**u all oldies help me out plz

lol we r OLDIES to u yeah, but we r equally lost hahaha!


Priya Joyce said...

@ aneesh:

hey well said.
but just 1 question My identity will change if I marry sumone and tats wat I don't wan't hey it can't be called as adjustment or selfishness as Identity is the basic thing a human needs and I need tat.
wat say?

Priya Joyce said...

@ chriz;
ye true a life philosophy but will I get the same mix up I mean understanding and adjustment from the guy's side which I giv.
will he sacrifice as much as I do?

Priya Joyce said...

@ sid :
hey the new circle can be created if i don't change ma surname also. and then u see y don't men change i know its too much to make all men change their surnames for women but atleast i can remain without a papa ka name or husband's name.
y can't i hav my own I dentity
y this c/o identity.
plz make it clesr to me

Priya Joyce said...

@ sami;

hey it might be the reason. but I really don't think tat my expectations and ambitions will be subdued wen i get into a relationships. as it happens to many ambitious gals.
wat say!

Priya Joyce said...

hey all I'll cum bakk soon and reply
till then sia

Lena said...

this perception changes quite often during life time, besides, just give it time, once the right moment comes you will remember this post and think of how silly you were :P

Priya Joyce said...

@ mayz:

yupp ur confusions are a lil different from mine .
and u can't hav the ones I hav coz the prob I hav is the identity probs.
will I hav the same identity after marriage as i hav now,
tats the thing. and of course men can't hav tat probs.
wat say?

Priya Joyce said...

@ prashant:
not early buddy the thing is I hav been seeing many women who r ambitious bfore marriage but get subdued after marriage. and they bcome a different person and maturity creeps into a bubbly happy gal.

and hey I want equality i don't want to dominate over any decision. and tats y I am against the head of the family concept

and oops sorry will not call xperienced ppl oldies again hi hi.

Priya Joyce said...

@ neha:
at school I used to think differently but now I just donno wat to do whether to live alone or wth sumone a big dilemma is ruling over me.
confused to gr8 height.

Priya Joyce said...

@ sol:

ooho wow I asked for solution and found another confused frnd wow.
gr8 to hear tat we're in the same ship wow!

Priya Joyce said...

@ hemanth:
ye marriage changes ppl but ayhow I feel I am not among the changing types and tats the trouble lets see wat happens to me later in life.

Priya Joyce said...

@ trinaa:
hey welcum here and ye I am a kindaa far from the marriage decision but can't be called a rebel

hey keep coming.

Priya Joyce said...

@ keshi:

I donno wat to do but can say tat this love doesn't seem fake but is limited i wud say donno y i get such thots even wen I am the daughter of a happily settled couple.
God knows
ha ha wow ! gr8 to hear tat the oldies r not yet oldies.

Priya Joyce said...

@ lena:
ye sure time changes perceptions and i wud give it time immense time.
ye can be coz many things hav happened to me like tat in which I hav thot wat a big fool was I.

Aneesh said...

How can your identity change after marriage? It is not possible, if you already have an identity.

You might be referring to the name and there is no rule saying husband's name should be added to wife's after marriage. I have team mates, whose name still remains the same after marriage.

After all, you are the one who should decide what should happen to you or whatever.

Priya Joyce said...

@ aneesh:
the matter is not completely about the name its about being called Mrs such and such and so on why can't I be called priya only why all the letters coming to me have that C/O thing in it.
all these r questions innocent ones plees don't think tat I am rebellious or so.
I am open to the right still searching it.

Aneesh said...

Haha, c/o thing in letters, well, I had it too when I was a kid. well, don't worry, after an year or two, it will be directly addressed to you.

'N the Mr and Mrs thing... Well you r right, but its copied from the west, and actually, its the family name.
Well, don't worry about these things now. Now, your age is for dreams I guess LOL. 'N when you dream, dream big, OK.

Priya Joyce said...

@ aneesh:

I don't hav it now ma letters cum with no C/O my identity is known here.

ye dreams yes true but though I kno tat I wud fall in love for sure but marriage is a big doubt for sure.

Aneesh said...

marriage is a big doubt?
Tell you what? If you meet your guy, your doubt will vanish just like that, that's for sure :)

Priya Joyce said...

@ aneesh:

hey watt?

if i meet him?

can't say but love and marriage r different very different u see.